Two Pink Lines

Yep, that's right. I'm feeling nauseous, tired, and yucky, and it's not giardia this time! We are excited, nervous, elated, scared, freaked, and most of all . . . shocked.

In case you don't know my history, this is my 7th pregnancy. I have two kids, and only one came out of my own va-jay-jay. So if you do the math, you can see that most of my pregnancies have not had happy endings.

I have a condition that the medical community refers to as "recurrent spontaneous abortion". Now this title seriously makes my skin crawl, and if I had the energy and gumption I ought to petition the medical board to call it something else. I hate that this term is written all over my medical records because I've had so many miscarriages. It makes it sound like I am this impulsive woman who keeps running out and getting abortions on a whim, over and over again.

"Omigosh, ya'll, last night I went out and got another abortion. I didn't even plan on it. It just kind of happened. I just keep getting these abortions. I'm so crazy like that!"

Sheesh. So not the case.

It's weird to be writing about this, but I've decided to try something new. With all of my pregnancies, I've kept things really quiet. I've followed the conventional wisdom that says not to talk about a pregnancy until the 10th or 12th week. You know. In case that thing happens. But the result of this old-school decorum is that I end up feel alone, isolated, and unsupported every time I miscarry, because nobody knows about it. And then I end up kind of confessing it to people, which is uncomfortable to announce that you were pregnant but not anymore in one breath. But I always end up telling because I feel like the people around me need to know why I'm weepy and not leaving the house for weeks at a time.

So, this time, I choose transparency. I don't think miscarriage, or early pregnancy, needs to be something coped with under a cloak of secrecy and shame. I feel hopeful about my pregnancy, but if it doesn't work out, the blog world (and my real world) will know about it. And maybe I will feel a little more supported, no matter what the outcome.
And, now I can shamelessly ask everyone I know to pray, pray, pray that I get to carry this baby to term. Yes, that means you. Shoot a little petition up to the Big Guy upstairs, would you? I could use it.


  1. Most definitely praying for you! I think this sheds some light on the Pinkberry at 10am.

  2. Anonymous4:49 AM

    I am praying for you and Congratulations!

  3. Hey Kristen, first of all I am happy for you guys. Secondly, you have my prayers. My older sister just lost a baby a few months ago and my mom went through quite a few miscarriages over the years too. I know from seeing these things that it can't be easy but I think you were brave to tell people now and have them pray and support you no matter what. You have Anthony and my prayers wholeheartedly! :)

  4. Congrats!! Being Catholic whenever I'm faced with a situation that I am praying about I always turn to a Saint for a little extra boost. My friends at first thought I was a little "nuts" until they ran across things and then they would call me up and say, hey is there a Saint for this or that and I would say, I'll look it and call you back. 9 times out of 10 there is a Saint for whatever situation you are facing. And if you choose, Saint Catherine of Siena, is the Patron Saint of Miscarriages. There is also another Catherine of Sweden for Miscarriages, but the Siena Catherine is my favorite. It sure wouldn't hurt to have an extra person in your corner watching over this precious little one as it grows and gets stronger so he/she can join you guys on your Yogurt Outins!

  5. Good luck. Im praying right now for you

  6. Love you and praying hard for your transparency....

  7. Congratulations! I will be praying for you and the wee one and for His grace and mercy and peace and HEALTH to be all over your pregnancy!
    I'm so sorry that you've had to endure so many miscarriages, I have a close friend who has the same struggle, and I just don't know how, even as Christian women, you do it! BTW, thanks for clarifying about the va-jay-jay ;) Hilarious.

  8. Kristen,
    I'll for sure pray for you! I also dislike that term, and have been going to see a fertility specialist lately- one of the things I like about him is that he uses the term "recurrent pregnancy loss" which I prefer. I've had 3 miscarriages (and 1 baby) and have just finished getting a million blood tests done to check for abnormalities, of which we found none.
    So we are just trying (with a few supplements- baby asprin, extra folic acid, progesterone, etc), and praying for the Lord's timing. I like your theory on telling people early though. I've gone back and forth on that. I think next time I get pregnant, I plan to tell a few prayer-warrior friends right away, and then after the first ultrasound I will tell everyone else.
    You know, I've heard of a lot of stories about adopting parents getting pregnant! :) I hope this doesn't adversely affect your adoption process.
    Anyways, God bless your body!!

  9. Congrats Kristen! I am in my 8th week myself with my first pregnancy. After a little thought I blogged about it almost immediately after I found out. I felt the same as you in that I didn't want to go through this whole thing alone and I figured I could use all the support and prayers I could get. I will keep you in mine if you keep me in yours ;-)

  10. i love your transparency. i just said a little prayer for you that was a simple "please God" and now I'm sitting at my desk with tears dripping out of my eyeballs. The Please God prayer is about all i know at this point, but it's authentic, so i trust it's enough. :)

  11. Yay, yay, yay!!! I have too experienced your emotions and understand completely. I will be praying for you and your sweet new life!

    Ps...don't give up on me! I swear your surprise is almost on it's way!!


  12. I ABSOLUTELY agree with your decision. I think you are SOOO right and courageous to go against the norm. I have always thought it strange that people let themselves be so alone during such a hard time. I think maybe we are all tempted to just keep our pain to ourselves. Isn't it just like Satan to want us to feel isolated and alone in our grief? You are NOT alone though. My dear friend went through a miscarriage and it was such a grieving process for her and her sweet hubby. I can't imagine how hard this has been on your sweet heart. I am praying for you right now.

    I also want to say WHAT A HORRIBLE NAME for this condition!! ACKK! That is awful! I would be so disturbed.

    Huge hugs coming your way from Texas. Angel

  13. KH and the man behind the pink lines too ---

    wow wow wow -- I checked three blogs -- you are one of them and this is fun to read -- I AM currently sending Haiti's petition to the Big Man --- we're all signing it.

    love you!

  14. good for you! Jonathan hasn't even told his parents yet!! and my sister in laws found out about it from Facebook this week. Prayer helps!

  15. Oh Kristen. I am so happy for you. And though you never told me about your miscarriages, I felt the pain of each one of them as Sarah would tearfully share your journey with me.

    I truly hope this precious baby makes it to term. We will pray.

    Thank you for sharing your news with us. I love transparency too...

  16. I hate it when people tell me "congratulations" on pregnancies, because I've lost a couple myself and I just don't "believe" them until a real live baby comes out. So I won't say that, but I'll say "way to go!" and that I also sent a prayer up there for you.

  17. Kristen,
    We will definitely be praying for you!! THank you for your opennes and honesty, it's so refreshing.

  18. Hi Kristen! I came through Jamie's blog and originally just to the link to your Sara post with comments so I missed this. Forgive me.
    Congrats on your pregnancy and I will pray for you and the little one you're growing! I have a friend who has been pregnant 5 times and still has no biological children. I have seen her go through so much pain over this and I can't imagine her doing it I think it's great that you chose transparency!!

    Know that when I say that, I'll really add you to my prayer journal!

  19. Praying for you, Kristen.

  20. Well, you don't know me. I sorta stumbled onto your blog...but now you are stuck with me. No, not a stalker...just a prayer warrior!
    May the Lord Bless You and Keep You and Make His Face to Shine Upon You and Give You PEACE!
    Malissa, Porters Portals blog

  21. I love this--I have been reluctant to tell others about this baby, but will now--and also ask for their prayers. You've had mine since day one!! Love you so much!!

  22. I really hate that term too. I cant tell you how sick it makes me to see spontaneous abortion on my medical records. Awful. Congrats on your pregnant. I am praying for you and your little one!


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