pooping for Disney

The backstory: I have been trying to potty train India for five months now. She has done really well getting the #1 part down. She hasn't had an accident in months and does really well at home and at school. The #2 though . . . not so much. I know that she has control over it, though. She doesn't really have accidents, she just waits until naptime every day when I put her in a diaper. (She is very regular). Every day for weeks now, we go through this routine where I put her in a diaper, leave the room, and come back in ten minutes later to change her poopy diaper.


Over it.


I know she has control over it, but is just refusing to go on the potty because she is a) stubborn or b) freaked out by the potty. I've been trying to strategize how to remedy the situation. I had ideas about leaving her naked on a plastic sheet during the nap, or putting a small toilet on the bed, or skipping the nap altogether for a few days. Yesterday, she did skip the nap, and by dinnertime she had a grimace and was walking a little funny. I knew she had to go #2. She peed several times, and each time I acted like a cheerleader, trying to get her to make a deposit in the toilet. She informed me that she would not be pooping in the toilet.


Until . . .


POOPING FOR DISNEY


a play in one act


(inspired by true events)


A young girl is seated on the potty. Her mother is seated nearby.

MOMMY: India, why don't you try to put a poop in the potty.

INDIA: No. I don't want to.

MOMMY: You're a big girl now, and big girls go poop on the potty. Gabriella and Sharpay go poop on the potty.

INDIA: No. I don't want to.

MOMMY: If you put a poop in the potty, you can open the box with your new Tinkerbell shoes and wear them all day tomorrow.

INDIA: No. I don't want to.

MOMMY: (thinking back to India's daily dinnertime prayers thanking the Lord for her family and Disneyland) I have an idea. How about if you put a poop in the potty we can go to Disneyland?

INDIA: Disneyland????????

(cue pooping sounds)

MOMMY: (weeping tears of joy and disbelief) INDIA!!! You did it!! I'm so proud of you! Daddy, look! She did it! She went poop in the potty!

INDIA: I pooped in the potty and now I get to go to Disneyland!

JAFTA: (entering room after overhearing) What? I wanna poop and go to Disney!

Jafta physically pushes India off of potty and sits down himself. Commence forcible pushing and grunting

JAFTA: (strained) I can do it, too! I'm gonna poop, too!

MOMMY: Jafta, no. Wait, honey, stop. You don't need to . . .

JAFTA: I'm gonna poop so I can go to Disney!

MOMMY: Jafta, stop. You're gonna hurt . . .

JAFTA: (grunting like a woman in childbirth) UGH! Ungh. Errr. AUGH.

Daddy enters room, alarmed.

DADDY: Kristen, make him stop. He's gonna give himself a hernia.

KRISTEN: You mean a hemorrhoid?

DADDY: Kristen, make him stop. He's gonna give himself a hemorrhoid.

JAFTA: Ughhhhh! Grrrrr. I can do it. I can . . .

KRISTEN: Jafta, stop!

*plop*

JAFTA: Yes! I can go! I can go to Disney!

KRISTEN: Jafta, you didn't need to . . .

*plop*

JAFTA: More poop! That means I get to go to even more places!

INDIA: (pushing Jafta) I wanna poop more! I wanna poop more!


and scene.

Guess where we're going tomorrow?


19 comments:

  1. hooray india! and jafta for pooping on command! impressive.

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  2. it this reframing too???
    TOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny!

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  3. HILARIOUS. Nice work.

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  4. That was just the very most fun to read. Hilarious. Sometimes we'll do just about ANYTHING, huh?

    Miles poops on command for pez candy. I'm not going to tell him about Disney :)

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  5. I agree that this was very fun to read. I have a 3 1/2 year old son who we've been potty training since January. His pooping treat is going to Legoland and we're going on Saturday. He had to do it 5 times though so India is a lucky girl!

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  6. laughing with troy ... we want you to offer this to Phoebe when you are here ... and then we want you to take her to Disney for us too. ;)

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  7. AWESOME! My kids wouldn't poop if Mickey Mouse himself asked them to, but I'm glad India did! :o)

    In other news, I am an agent with Creative Artists Agency, and I'd like to produce this screenplay.

    Interested?

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  8. That is hilarious!! Have fun at Disney!

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  9. congratulations! this is a big milestone! potty training can be soooo frustrating. i am also tempted to throw that big carrot out there for those big choose-your-battles type situations, but i am scared that the reward may become the reason my children do what i ask at the expense of their developing a real inner desire to do it on their own.

    as it is, my four year old used to get excited over simple things like stickers and extra hugs and snuggles, but when i see her setting her sights on bigger (more expensive) "carrots" like this, then i feel like i'm paying for compliance.

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  10. BTW... I read it like a play to my husband. He loved it. I'm really acted out the grunting sounds - LOL.

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  11. My family is all upstairs sleeping and I am laughing out loud at my niece and nephew. (and brother too) What a funny story!!

    When are you going and can we come too???

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  12. Easily one of the best stories I have read in a long time.Thanks for the laugh

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  13. My hubby and I have tears in our eyes from laughing so hard at this. We have a 4 year old, and this sounds like our day! Except I'm not as generous a briber as you! Way to go!

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  14. Anonymous9:43 AM

    That is hilarious!!!! That is a whole new take on bribery!!! As a mother of 4 I could see it happening in the Muller household as well!!! LOL

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  15. yeah for poop! Isn't it sad that poop (in the potty) can make us happy!

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  16. I'm dying laughing! crying, laughing so hard that I woke up my youngest! Oh well, best thing I've read in a long time.

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  17. I know this story is old, but I found your blog through pinterest,so it's new to me! I was crying full blown tears because I was laughing so hard. Our oldest is just getting to the potty phase, so I can kind of relate. Hopefully commenting on it this late will bring back the memory and make you smile! :)

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  18. FANTASTIC. Just fantastic.

    Unfortunately, will they now assume every poop leads to exciting trips?

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