you're not gonna marry me

India is going through a phase where she is obsessed with getting married.  She talks about it all the time.  We were at the park last week and a bridal party was there shooting pictures, and she started scrambling up the rocks trying to join them in the picture.  She was very mad when I cut her mission short before she reached them.    The other day she came out with a ballet dress and a tutu over her head, and told me that she was ready to go get married.

I'm not sure where all this is coming from, but I blame the Robin Hood movie, which is one of her favorites.

She has also been talking - daily - about who she is going to marry.  For a long time it was Jafta or Kembe.  After many discussions about why that would not be possible, she set her sights on Gavin, a little boy in her class.  She talks about marrying Gavin all the time, and how she wants him to marry her.  Jafta likes to remind her that Gavin may not want to do this, and about how she needs to be "like, a little past a teenager.  Like, 44 or something."


Anyways, this week something horrible happened.  She told Gavin her plans, and apparently Gavin rejected her proposal.  She came home devastated.  But she also came home with a new insult in her tool belt.

Every time someone hurts her feels at school, she processes her anger by coming home and hurling the insult at me.  I can always tell what is happening at school by the things she parrots back to me in frustration.  I have been the not-so-lucky recipient of her experiments with reciprocating meanness many times since she started school.  Some of her standards include "you're not my friend anymore" and the ever popular "you're a poopy head". She is also a fan of the sticking out of the tongue and the sing-song nanny nanny boo boo, which always cuts like a knife.

Thanks to Gavin's rebuff, she has a new tool in her toolbelt.  Here she is at the park, just after I informed her it was time to go home and take her nap.

Oh snap.

(I hope you caught that huff at the end.)

(And yeah. That's my baby's bottle laying in the sand. Keepin' it classy.)

She has yelled some variation of "You're not gonna marry me!" or "I'm not gonna marry you!" at me, Mark, Jafta, or Kembe about 20 times since the Gavin episode. We comfort ourselves with the fact that she doesn't really mean it, she's just displacing her anger and re-enacting her displaced hurt on a nearby projective object. Or something.

I have had some serious heart-to-hearts with her about how there are other fish in the sea, and how lucky a boy would be to marry her, and how she has plenty of time to figure out who she will marry.  But hell hath no fury like a preschooler scorned.


  1. Oh man. Is it wrong that I think she's adorable, even in the midst of her huffiness. Haha. Honestly, she'll be fine. My uncle realllllly wanted to marry Heather, his dog. So yeah. She's got the species right, so like I said, she'll be fine. haha. Although someone NEEDS to show this video to her future husband one day. That's what moms are for right?

  2. When my daughter was younger, she liked to pull out all of the words that we don't use to others or out in public. So, her biggest insult was "Stupid big v*gina" or "stupid butt crack." Oh, that girl.

  3. My mom says I went through a similar phase and I wanted to marry my dad and grandpa.Very weird!
    India is too cute with that little huff at the end. I couldn't help but laugh!

  4. My son tried preschool for while, till he came home with "I hate you, you hate me....." I freaky backlash on Barney?

  5. My little 3-year-old friend Ruby is obsessed with marriage, too, and I find it so odd. How are they processing at THREE that it's such a fantastic thing? Both India and Ruby like their princess clothes, so maybe it's about the dress? (I chill her obsession by reminding her that I will never marry; she is welcome to, but I will not. Because she thinks I'm the shiznitt, it stops her bridal planning cold.)

    I blame Disney! (I blame Disney for everything.)


    What a great keepsake to show her years and years down the road when she has been dumped by her first boyfriend. Poor thing.

  7. oh my gosh, camden is obsessed with this too. must be a three year old girl thing. her current contenders are: daddy, chayse, and jake from the bachelor.

  8. Anonymous9:26 AM

    I'm 28, single, this sounds like a day in the life. She's obviously a very mature, reasoned, and adult little girl. :)

  9. #1. She's adorable! I love that scrunched up face! #2. She really means it. #3. All that sand made me a little crazy on the inside. My kid's school as a sandlot. I haven't gotten right with it just yet. At any rate, the video is awesome blackmail material!

  10. I have a 4 year old going through the same thing! She keeps talking about marriage and marrying he rsiblings, but we blame it on ourselves. We hold hands in the car and kiss in the kitchen. We have explained that to kiss you have to be married and you can't do that until your 20 :) SO instead they tease us and say, "awwwww you're married!"

  11. My three year old is similarly obsessed. And my children's current insult of choice is "you're not going to come to my birthday!" I've been invited and uninvited numerous times. I hold my tongue from asking who will make the cake and buy the presents if I'm not there. :)

  12. Okay I must comment on this! When we were at your house she told Kai that she thinks she wants to marry him. Kai talks about marriage all the time and really gets worried over who he is going to marry but really wants to marry his friend Brooke who wants nothing to do with him. So Kai told her he can't marry her because he is marrying Brooke. Mark and I told him to keep his option open :) Later he told Brooke of his plans and she declined his proposal. He then remembered sweet India and said maybe 'that girl' will still marry me. So tell India not all is completely lost if she doesn't mind being second best!

  13. Brooke5:01 PM

    Well, I think I have just found the perfect solution for India's predicament. While reading this post I was just served an ad on your blog for China Love Match. A new successful China Love Match was just made and I (or India) could be next!! They said to join to find out...and who am I to argue.


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