the orange white house

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I got home from DC this morning, bearing the official Halloween treats from the White House.

Jafta was pretty excited that I had been inside Barack Obama’s house. I didn’t bother explaining that it is a privilege available to most citizens – I just let him think I was a really big deal.  Kids these days are so unimpressed.  You gotta grab it when you can.

The rest of them were just excited to eat a cookie.  Although there was quite a bit of confusion when I tried to explain why the WHITE HOUSE cookies were ORANGE.

Our costumes are laid out, our candy is purchased, and we are ready for a fun night.  Hope you all have a great Halloween!

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weekend for sanity

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I am in Washington, DC for the weekend.  I would love to rationalize this trip as having some great purpose.  But I am not speaking, or working, or doing anything of intention.  I really have no business being here at all.  But . . .
 


I am a huge Jon Stewart fan.  I have been for years.  Mark has known this about me since we were dating, and he has been very gracious with my potentially inappropriate crush on someone else.  So gracious, in fact, that when I heard about the rally, he laughed and said, “Yeah, you have to go to that.”   And I was like, really?  I’m travelling a lot.  Are you sure?  And he said yes.  Because he knows me.

THAT IS WHAT I CALL TRUE LOVE, PEOPLE.

Mark is pretty awesome, too.

(I’m just kidding.  Please don’t leave me mean comments.)

So, after some negotiating with my airline miles and with our plentiful hotel reward points thanks to the Great Flood and Exile during July and August, here I am.



That’s me in the White House pastry shop.  My friend Sarah and I came to DC together, and she has some connections and got us a backstage pass at the White House.  That’s pretty much the only reason I am traveling with her.  We have very little in common.  Other than both having four kids, being introverted, and sharing a passion for social justice, politics, adoption, missions, books, flashmobs, and musicals.  Other than that we are NOTHING ALIKE.

It was fun seeing the White House up close.  We got to leave with one of the official treat bags the President will be passing out on Halloween for each of our kids.  I think I am more excited about that than my kids will be.  I am also exercising great discipline by not eating the chocolates myself.

We did not get to meet Barack (or B-Rock, as Mark calls him).  He was in Maryland stumping for the upcoming election.  I did think about leaving a Rage Against the Minivan bumper sticker in the Red Room, but I decided against it.




Some thoughts on the White House:

• The decor is not entirely different than that of the TBN building
• The Kennedy's had the prettiest china.  President Hayes?  Not so much.
• You may be shocked to know that Michelle does not tend her own garden
• There is an architect whose job it is to erect a replica of the White House made entirely of white chocolate
• There is a team of full-time florists already working on Christmas bouquets
• Regardless of your political affiliation, a trip to the White House may make you wonder about excessive government spending
• The most scandalous story I could wrangle out of our escort was that one of the president’s wives wore a sorority brooch in her official portrait and they had to paint it out of the picture.  JUICY.

Tomorrow, we will wake up at the crack of dawn (4am Pacific Time) and head down to the Capital Mall to try to claim a spot.  It seems like every person we’ve met is in town for this rally.  Most of the plane from LAX was rally-bound.  I have no idea what to expect tomorrow.  I know it will be crowded, I know it will be COLD, and I know it will be fun.

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What I Want You To Know: Emotional Abuse

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What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions.  It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face.  If you would like to submit a story, email me.  Today’s story is by Kari, who blogs at http://howardwedoing.blogspot.com/.

I want people to know that emotional abuse is just as hurtful and damaging to a family as physical abuse. Emotional abuse often leads to physical abuse. An abuser won’t likely change his/her behavior with counseling.

I was married to an abusive man. He was emotionally abusive. I have been judged by people when I say I left an abusive marriage. They ask if he hit me. No he didn’t hit me. He threw furniture. He threw macaroni and cheese across the kitchen at me, and dented the freezer with his fist. He told me he wanted to set me on fire and smell my burning flesh. He used profanity to describe how he felt about me, and he called me the B-word every.single.day. But, no, he didn’t hit me.

After my separation, I read a book that said emotional abuse is like an invisible whip. The wounds are still there, you just can’t see them. This description is so true. I was injured, but I could hide it.

I said earlier that I’ve been judge by people.  People look at me as if I’m uneducated (I’m not), or I’m stupid (I’ve felt that way). I have two different lines of questions that come my way. One is “Why did you stay so long?” The other is “Didn’t you try to get counseling?” To answer the first question, I have a daughter with this man. He controlled so much of my life that I didn’t have the finances to leave and fight for custody. It didn’t take me long to figure that out though. I left when she was 3 months and 8 days old. The second question about counseling, yeah, I tried that. I begged for him to go with me. His answer was, “Counselors are crappy people with bad lives that listen to other peoples’ problems to make their own lives seem better.” Couples therapy wasn’t an option. I did finally go on my own, and that’s when I was connected with the resources to get out.

One in FOUR women in the United States are victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives. http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/abuse-in-america/  This is a huge problem.

I want you to know that it takes a lot of courage and support to leave an abuser. Survivors of domestic abuse (even EMOTIONAL abuse) are victims. They should not be judged for doing what is right for their families. I know that my daughter will suffer repercussions by being raised by a single parent. I know that those effects will not be as damaging to her as the alternative. 
 
 

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what you can do

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I’ve written pretty passionately about the global orphan situation recently, and several commenters asked: “What can I do if I’m not in a position to adopt?”

I’m so glad you asked.

Adoption is not for everyone.  Nor is it the answer to the world’s orphan crisis.  In the best of circumstances, adoption creates a loving family for a child who has been orphaned.  But it does not address the root causes of why a child has been abandoned or orphaned to begin with.  It is a band-aid on a much larger problem.  It is estimated that 99% of the world’s orphans will not be adopted.  Adoption is an answer for some orphaned children . . . but not for most of them.

There are two sides to the orphan crisis: finding families for children without, and preserving families that are intact.  Prevention is the side that is not addressed by adoption.  If we profess to care about orphans, then we must care about the circumstances that lead children to be orphaned.  If we care about adoption, then we must care about seeing less children enter orphanages to begin with. 

It is not as easy to care about the pregnant teen or the struggling mom.  But it might be the starting place in this whole scenario.

(And if we care about orphans, then we must care about the children in foster care in our own country.)

I am so glad to see adoptive parents championing these issues.  But this should not be a cause left to adoptive parents.  As a society, we should all care.   A child without a family is the most disgusting form of poverty.

So, here are some of the ways that everyone can get involved in caring for at-risk children.  The first is a list of things you can do locally (another great list is at Saddleback’s website).  Then, I’ll give some resources to organizations that are on the ground in impoverished nations, that you might thing about supporting.

VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME

Call your local Department of Child and Family Services and see how you can help.  Most DCFS branches are overwhelmed with the amount of children in the system.  Some counties have an “adopt-a-social-worker” program where individuals act as “finders” to help with family preservation.  For example, if a social worker is trying to keep a child in a home where there is inadequate provisions (i.e. a crib, diapers, formula), the “finder” would assist with finding donations that match the family’s need so that the child is not removed.

Become a CASA worker - Court Appointed Special Advocates are community volunteers who act as a voice in court for abused and neglected children.  CASA volunteers get to know the child and speak to everyone involved in the child’s life, including their family members, teachers, doctors, lawyers, social workers, and others.  The reality is that social workers do not often have the time to do this, so judges rely heavily on the information they gather.  CASA volunteers commit to a child until the case is closed and the child is in a safe, permanent home.

Become a respite care provider - Respite care is the short-term care of a child which enables foster parents to take a break. Some children's needs require round-the-clock intensive care and parents need some time away to recharge.  Sometimes respite is provided so that foster parents can take a vacation (most foster children are wards of the court and cannot leave their state).  Foster parents cannot simply leave their children in the care of a babysitter or relative – the caregiver needs to be licensed with the county.  Becoming licensed to give respite care offers a huge relief to those in the trenches and allows foster parents to do what they do without burning out.

Consider adopting a teen who is aging out – There is something profoundly heartbreaking in reading the photolistings of children who have turned 18 and who, despite being old enough to live independently, place themselves on national photolistings because they desperately want a family.  Many of these teenagers have college plans or career aspirations and are really looking for the moral support of a family as they enter adulthoood.  Everyone deserves to have a consistent place to land for the holidays, rituals, and celebrations in life.  Maybe you have that to give.  If you visit adoptuskids.org and sort by age, you will find many young adults searching for a family to call their own.

(pictured: Annette and Norma, “18-year-old twin sisters with dreams of having a family of their own and a sense of belonging. Both girls want to attend college and talk of being a lawyer or a doctor down the line. While they have each other, the one thing that is lacking in their lives is a permanent place to call home.” - The Los Angeles Heart Gallery.

Get involved with Orphan Sunday at your church.  Orphan Sunday is your opportunity to rouse church, community and friends to God’s call to care for the orphan.  It is a great opportunity to recruit help and raise awareness for the various relief organizations listed below.

Volunteer for a local group home – Group homes are difficult places.  There are so many needs that can be filled.  You could help raise money for clothes, shoes, backpacks, and other supplies. You could mentor a teen who is aging into adulthood.  You could tutor students who are struggling in school, or make regular visits to play with children who are in the difficult season of temporary care.

Lend a hand to families who have adopted – Do you know someone who has adopted an older child?  Chances are, they are exhausted, both mentally and physically.   Maybe even barely hanging on.  Think about lending them a hand with whatever tasks are overwhelming for them, so that they can get a little break.  I remember when we were still foster parents for Jafta and dealing with the DCFS hearings and the adjustment to life with two kids, that a group of people from Newsong Church came and painted our fence.  It was one of those total random acts of kindness but it meant so much to have someone care for us in a tangible way, in the midst of that difficult season.

Start a mentoring group for moms with kids in the system – This is one of the most unique ministries I’ve seen at my church: a group of moms (many of them foster moms) started a bible study with the biological mothers of local foster children.  They mentored them, prayer for them, and encouraged them in their reunification efforts.

GIVE FINANCIALLY

Mercy House is loving home for teenage girls in Kenya.  It will be a supportive, safe place for them to get prenatal care, counseling, and to have their baby.  It will give their baby a chance at life, to be raised by a mother who is learning skills and self-sufficency or by a local Christian orphanage, whichever she chooses.

31 Bits helps women in Uganda earn their own living by making necklaces out of recycled paper.  I am a huge fan of 31 Bits (and not just because it was founded by some graduates of the university where I teach, and not just because the necklaces are awesome).  31 Bits is giving women a chance at providing for herself and her family.  The name comes from the Bible's Proverbs 31, which describes a woman providing for her family. The "bits" refers to the bits of paper from which the beads are made.

Heartline Haiti Women’s Program – This is a program so close to my heart because we adopted Kembe through this organization.  Each week over 100 women come through the Heartline center as part of their various programs.   Women who have never earned a dollar in their lives are now earning money as they sew.  Women who had no parenting skills are now taking better care of their children.  Women who could not read and write are now learning.  Women who have had no prenatal care are getting the attention they so desperately need.  The birthing center is now open so these women can deliver their babies in safety.  Women are becoming self sufficient and working to provide for their families by making purses.

Parental Care Ministries is providing food, shelter, clothing, and education for at-risk children in Uganda, with a focus on children orphaned by the AIDS epidemic.

Amazima Ministries operates a sponsorship program for 400 orphaned children. These children are provided an education, school supplies, 3 meals a day, and medical care.  Another aspect of Amazima is the feeding program provided to the displaced Karamojong people of the Masese community. These people are Uganda's poorest and often considered outcasts. A lunch meal is served to over 1,200 children Monday - Friday and a plate of food is sent home for dinner. This allows the children to attend school and not go to the street in town to beg.

Real Hope For Haiti Rescue Center - I’ll let these pictures by Licia speak for themselves:

WEEK #1

WEEK #2

WEEK #3

These four little girls lives are being changed by Medika Mamba.  The Rescue Center takes in children in dire need, nurses them back to health, and then returns them to their family.  They are doing life-saving work in Haiti every single day.

Help End Local Poverty (HELP). HELP is a global tribe dedicated to ending extreme poverty by helping to rescue orphans, restore their hope and renew their communities.   From their website: “There are children all over the world who live completely alone every single day - with no one to love them or care for them.  we don’t believe that they were meant to live in dumps, fields, alleys or streets. They have been abandoned, mostly due to AIDS, war and extreme poverty.  We can do for them what God did for us: rescue them from poverty, give them a place to belong, provide a community of love and support, and give them opportunities for a future. We will build children’s homes that will be run by local leaders who will love these kids, help raise them, and prepare them to overcome poverty.”

Garage Sale For Orphans - Garage Sale for Orphans is an initiative of Help End Local Poverty. It’s pretty simple.  Sell anything that you don’t need or want, and that you are willing to sacrifice.  Then, give the proceeds of the garage sale to help rescue kids in places like Haiti, Zimbabwe and Uganda. You can even­ choose which country and project you want to donate to directly on their website.

Poverty Unlocked is an amazing podcast that explores the different avenues of care for global poverty.  It offers an in-depth look at Christian relief and development.

Food for the Hungry is a comprehensive mission organization that comes alongside impoverished people in their own communities, helping and equipping three arms: Leaders to solve problems in their community, churches to meet the physical and spiritual needs in their community, and families: To meet the physical and spiritual needs in their family.  They offer many sponsorship opportunities.

A Glimmer of Hope is a non-profit organization that helps lift women and children out of extreme poverty in rural Ethiopia.  Glimmer developed an entrepreneurial model to provide clean water, schools, health clinics, and micro-finance loans, one village at a time. 

Krochet Kids offers 3 year programs to women living in poverty. In this program, the women learn to krochet hats to earn an income and be able to fully support themselves for the first time in their lives. Based in Uganda, my friend Sarah and her family are moving in a few months to start Krochet Kids in the country of Peru.

Prison Fellowship’s Angel Tree helps connect parents who are in prison connect with their children. 

Zeway Orphan-Headed Household Partnership provides assistance to orphans who are raising their younger siblings, including three meals a day, social worker visits for grief counseling, and health care.

The Abba Fund, Show Hope, and Lifesong for Orphans are organizations that raise financial support for families who are adopting.  Maybe you have a heart for adoption, but it isn’t right for your situation.  Adoption costs are astronomically expensive, and many willing families just cannot afford the fees. Helping others to finance their adoption is a way to play a part in giving one child the hope of a family.   We were very blessed to receive a grant from Show Hope to offset the debt from Jafta’s adoption, and from Lifesong for Orphans and our church (Rock Harbor) to help pay for Kembe’s adoption.  We are incredibly grateful that other people helped to bring Kembe into our family in such tangible ways.

Watoto is a holistic childcare ministry that exists to raise the next generation of Ugandan leaders through improving academic skills, moral values, and health.  Watoto is caring for 2000+ orphaned children tin three Watoto Villages in Uganda.

photo by Esther Havens

Riverkids aims to prevent the sale and exploitation of children, to find non-exploitative labour alternatives for children and families, and to transform families and communities as low-risk for child trafficking and exploitation in rural Cambodia.

World Orphans seeks to rescue millions of orphaned and abandoned children through the involvement of the indigenous church.  Their goal is to partner each local church with a US church that can commit to providing resources and support.

These are just some of the many, many relief organizations doing hard work on the ground, who need help and support to keep their relief mission going.   They are all effecting change at the societal level, and giving care to children and dignity to families. 

ADVOCATE

It is the best of our humanity when we acknowledge the suffering of another, and we make the changes necessary to do something about it.  But in order to bring about societal change, we need to talk about the realities of poverty.  We need to educate others, and motivate those holding the privilege to step up and help those who have nothing.

I know there are many, many more ways that people are mobilizing to care for orphans.  If you know of some ideas or organizations, leave them in the comments.  I would love to think that our current generation will sacrifice and work together to ensure that every orphan receives his or her basic human rights: food, shelter, clean water, and the love of a family.

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behavioral charts

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There are two tools in my parenting toolbox that make my life a lot easier.  I’ve explained the tattle tally before.  I am happy to report that it is still working and there is rarely a tattle in my house. 

We also do behavioral charts every day.  I was just sitting down to email them to a friend, and thought I would share them here.  If you are interested, click here to go to a google doc of my family’s reward chart and tattle tally.  (Obviously, copy and paste them and customize them for your own family).

Each night after dinner, we have a little meeting where we go over the “star charts” and tattle tally.  Each child has six areas they work on each day.  For example, right now Jafta is working on putting his shoes/backpack away, staying in bed all night, not fighting with siblings, respecting adults, first time compliance, and table manners.   Once he gets seven stars in each area, he earns a prize.  We keep the prizes on a shelf just above the charts as motivation.  The prizes are usually something from the dollar bin at Target, or something I know I’m planning to buy them anyway (school backpack, new pajamas, Halloween costumes, etc).

The kids are very motivated by the star charts.  We make a big deal of every star they get, clapping and hugging.  They love it.  We even made one for Karis because she gets so excited for this nightly routine.  Once a chart is completed, they get to hang that chart on their bedroom door.  I think they like that part as much as the prize.

The best part, though, is the way it modifies behavior.  During the day, I can use the star chart as a warning any time they are acting out.  “You are going to lose a star if you continue that” is a oft-spoken phrase around here.

Do you do any kind of behavioral chart?  What has worked for your family?

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bitter chocolate

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Every October, I see mothers get into spirited debates about how they will handle Halloween.  Do they allow their kids to dress up?  Is it a pagan holiday to be avoided?  How will they handle all the candy?  Will they pass out healthy snacks or be “that mom” who passes out raisins?

Like all good mommy debates. people are passionate about their sides.

Last week on Mama Manifesto, one of our writers shared the truth about chocolate and where it comes from. 

I consider myself someone empathetic to social justice issues.  I tend to be somewhat globally aware.

I HAD NO IDEA.

You probably don’t either.  Please, go read this.  Really.  Stop what you are doing and educate yourself. 

I’ll wait. . .

(watch the rest here, here, and here.)

So now we know. I don’t care if your kids dresses up, or if you eschew Halloween altogether.  But I care about children being trafficked and used for labor. 

We’re breaking up with commercial chocolate, or buying fair trade.  I hope you will, too.

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picture face

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Karis has a very distinct “picture face”.  She’s kind of a ham for the camera.  You might have noticed in the birthday pictures.

Anytime someone points a camera at her, she smiles a slightly crazed smile and says “cheese”.  It looks a little bit more manic when she’s wearing blue eyeshadow.

It doesn’t matter what she is doing.  If you try to take her picture, she will make this face.

NO MATTER WHAT SHE’S DOING.

(Don’t ask me why she is on the toilet at 18 months.  Nothing is happening.  She just insists on doing every single thing her older sister does.)

Sometimes, I’m able to sneak up on her and get a more natural photo.

Cute, right?  But then, as soon as she sees the camera, this happens:

Mark calls it her cheese face.  And even though she looks a little crazy . . .  we think it’s pretty darn cute.

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what I want you to know: Turner Syndrome

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What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions.  It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face.  If you would like to submit a story, email me.

**This is a special submission for me, because Brittani has been our babysitter for over a year.  She is such a blessing to our family and my kids adore her.  I’m not sure how we could function without her.  I think her take on life is inspiring and I’m so glad she decided to share her story.**

I have a chromosomal abnormality called Turner Syndrome. It is a disorder that affects about one in 2,500 females. The somewhat simple medical breakdown is that I am actually missing a chromosome. The specific chromosome that I am missing is my 46th and last chromosome. This chromosome also genetically determines the sex of a fetus when it's developed. What this means is that I only have one "X" chromosome, when a "normal" female should have two "X" chromosomes. What I want you to know about this is that this does not make me any less of a female. Interestingly enough, when I told people about this their first question is always "well, does that mean you aren't female?". No, it doesn't because in order to be a male you need to also have a "Y" chromosome.

I'm quite the expert about 45X. It is part of my story. One of the things that I've been wanting to share about is my story. It is truly something that is embedded in the fabric of my heart, mind and soul. This is not normally something that I tell a lot of people. But recently I've felt this push or inclination to share, to be vulnerable, and open. Because I've seen lately the good that can come from that. Let me elaborate...

I was born with a condition called Turner Syndrome. It is a chromosomal disorder that occurs in females, where they are born with a missing sex chromosome; meaning that usually a person should be born with 46 chromosomes but I was only born with 45. (Hence, the science jargin for missing your 46th chromosome is sometimes called 45X.) If you are male, your last two chromosomes (your 45th and 46th) are XY; and if you're female your born with two X's (XX). I however am missing my last chromosome. This abnormality is called Turner Syndrome because the person who described it was a doctor named Henry Hubert Turner (as with any medical condition) :). In case you were wondering, this means that I was born female (with all the female parts)...you have to have the Y chromosome for a fetus to begin to grow male parts. About 1 out of 2,500 females in the world are born with this chromosomal abnormality. Amazingly, my body can function without a 2nd X chromosome (the 2nd one is really only there to recognition of sex during fetus developement...even in females with a normal XX, the 2nd X really doesn't do any work. I've learned this in my genetics/science classes). It does have medical implications though. A lot of females born with Turner Syndrome have heart conditions, diabetes, physical abnormalities like webbed feet, broader diaphragms, short stature. I'm quite fortunate to not suffer from many of these, and none of which are serious to my health.

My parents found out very shortly after I was born that I had Turner Syndrome (TS). One of the tell-tale signs on the probability that I might have TS was that I was a shorter baby, and had swollen feet. Tests were done and confirmed that I in fact was missing my 46th chromosome. My parents found out that one of the things that came along with me having TS was that I have one kidney that is shaped like a horse shoe, and instead of a tri-cuspid valve in my heart I have a bi-cuspid valve (meaning a special valve in my heart that is suppose to have 3 flaps to open and close, I only have 2--but the two still completely cover up the valve like it needs to be). One of the leading & highly knowledgeable doctors with regards to TS was at Stanford Childrens Hospital and my parents chose to have him as my physician; so about once a year we would visit there. Dr. Neely is someone I will always remember. He was a great doctor, and someone I look up to still. He was only slightly older than my parents, but he had red hair just like me. And he also had a daughter my age who had red hair. It was sort of a neat similarity & connection to share. Well, I don't believe that I had much medical care before I was about 5 or 6 except for tests & normal check ups with my endocrinologist. I was definitely not as tall as my peers but it wasn't too concerning yet. But in first grade, when I was about six we started the discussion of me taking growth hormone during my elementary & adolescence school years when growth should be taking place.

I remember between 1st & 2nd grade visiting Stanford Children's Hospital with my mom & dad. The nurse who we had known for a while, Louise, was amazing at teaching us how to administer the growth hormone and even let us practice on her (with a saline solution of course). The doctors would figure out, some special way, how much growth hormone I should start out taking...then about every 6 months to a year it would be adjusted and increase slightly based on my growth/that fact that it was was working well/and trying to maximize my growth plates still being open and this being a critical time for my body to grow to a normal size. I remember going for this doctors visit too where I would start taking growth hormones, and the doctors wanted an x-ray of my entire body to see my bones (etc) before I started growth hormones. It was the summer going into 2nd grade and I had just gotten my ears pierced about a week before. This was a huge deal in my family because the Ehrhorn girls had a rule (to please my grandpa) that we had to wait until we finished 1st grade to get our ears pierced. I remember being worried about having the holes from the piercings close so I didn't take them out, and in my x-ray the bones are white (as normal) and there are black dots on my ears where my earrings are. I've also had to have several echocardiograms to monitor my heart and make sure that everything is still going great with it (which it is) and I've never had any problems with it...no problems exercising, functioning normally, etc. My mom and/or dad & I would go up to Stanford about once a year for routine check ups and to update my growth hormone regimen. I would look forward to our yearly or bi-yearly trips with just me and the parents. It really made me feel special and is something I hold dearly to still :) Very early on, my parents made the decision that we would only tell our family about me having TS. It was difficult to keep having to take growth hormone replacement a secret; I still can't decide what I would have done as a parent. Because it is a whole heck of a lot of explaining to do to elementary school aged friends that could go badly. Anyway, I also remember when I was about in 4th or 5th grade I started to give myself growth hormones all on my own. That was a big deal. And it helped my parents out a lot. I would only have to take it once a day, but we decided to do it in the evening. This wasn't always easy to manage if I had a sleepover or if my parents were going out and we had a babysitter. When my parents were still having to give me the growth hormones themselves, sometimes they wouldn't get to it in time before the babysitter got to the house so they would have to remember when they got home that evening before they went to bed. The tricky part to that is that I would 99% of the time be asleep and they would have to give me growth hormone in my thigh. I have always been such a sound sleeper that I never (ever) remember waking up to them maneuvering me to give me the growth hormone. But several times they would tell me that I would talk in my sleep and say things like "ouch, that hurts" or something to that effect. Sounds about right :)

When I was 15 years old & a sophomore in high school I had one last x-ray of one of my growth plates. It was almost closed, so after a few more months of taking growth hormones I didn't need to anymore. I grew to be 5' and 3/4'' and am in the top 90-95% in height for girls with TS. Along the way, I've also had to take hormone replacement in order to jump-start puberty (which is the case with all girls who have TS). When I was 17 & a senior in high school, I got word about a TS camp that was being held in Colorado the summer after I would be graduating. I had never met anyone else who had TS (at least that we were both aware of) and thought it would be an absolutely amazing experience to meet about 50-60 girls who have TS, as well as have camp counselors who have TS. It was am amazing experience to meet all these wonderful girls. I've made friendships that I know will last a lifetime. In addition to all that, we got to stay at Colorado State University for a week, horseback ride everyday for a week, white water raft, swim etc. There was a wide range of girls with TS there, from 11 years old to girls in the mid twenties. But on the other hand, it was saddening to see some of the problems that other girls were born with that I was somehow fortunate enough not to have. And some girls had just found out a few years prior that they had TS and any medical treatment to get growth hormone treatment etc would be helpful but not as beneficial and intuitive as it was for me since I started at such a young and ideal age. This just made me even more passionate about going into the medical field as it was the summer going into college as a bio major. I wanted to (and still do) be an advocate for girls with TS & their families who do not have the resources or financial ability to seek the best medical treatment to overcome some of the obstacles that come with having TS.

I am so fortunate beyond belief for having absolutely amazing parents who sought the best for me, and having a supportive family behind them. I know that there have been many personal, financial and many other sacrifices made in order to get all the care that has helped me tremendously. It's because of them that I am so motivated, strong, and can handle the hard things in life. They've taught me from example that it's not about falling but rather how you pick yourself up...and that in order to make the best of things, to be proactive, optimistic and move forward in life in tough situations. And, the outstanding and knowledgeable doctors and nurses that have been consistent in my life truly have been inspirational. I have always had the mindset that I am the way that I am for a reason.

Brittani blogs at The Nanny Diaries.

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a weekend in photos: Ojai to OC

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I got to spent two days at an amazing retreat this past weekend, and I’ve finally had time to upload my photos (and to steal the photos of Mark’s weekend).

The Creative Alliance at Calliote Canyon was an amazing experience.  I’m not even sure how to write about the awesomeness.  Sure, I could tell you about the food, and the wine, and the late night conversations.  I could tell you about reconnecting with old friends and making new ones.  I could tell you about the magic that happens when a bunch of brainy women get together and I get to absorb it all.   I could tell you about the side-splitting laughter, and the insane vulnerability, and the comfort of being understood.  I could tell you about a group of women honestly grappling with the balance between being a fully-present mom and a woman with other passions.
I could tell you, but really, I don’t even know where to start.  Here, I know.  I’ll plagiarize someone else’s words:

“I'm slowly learning that this blogging thing really can lead me to real friendships, it's just simply a newish avenue to the same place. That's why after we connect through each other's words, we can't help but say I need to see her. Because friendships need faces and voices and time, in person. Sooner or later.
Like "the old days," when meeting a pen pal for the very first time, this seeing of each other solidifies something we already knew was there.”

Yes.  What Heather said. (And seriously, go look at the slideshow she made of the retreat.  It really captures the whole thing).

I am so, so honored I got to be a part of this weekend with many women I admire.  On Saturday, I was able to lead a discussion (with Danielle and Kim) about using blogging for good . . . and it was inspiring to hear the different ways people are using this new social medium to raise awareness for different causes.  An idea was born out of this discussion that I’m excited to put into motion. 
I was also honored to be a reader at Listen to Your Mother on Saturday night.  It was an evening of women reading their own work . . . but it was so much more than that.  It was like a group therapy session where each reader was speaking my own truth.  Again, no words to describe this.  Again, so I’ll plagiarize.  (Surprisingly, plagiarism was NOT one of the lessons I gleaned from the weekend.  But I’m tired and these ladies say it so well). 
From the director of Listen to Your Mother, Ann:

“Instead of just listening the women of CA’10 metabolized LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER: SALON. We metabolized each other’s lives through moments OUT LOUD. We took in the words, and the words broke down into energy inside us and among us, and united us through the commonalities of creativity and motherhood, womanhood and humanity.”

Yeah.  That’s what it was like.


    
     
 
(Massive thanks to Lynn from Moji, Kirsten from Paper Culture, and Lee, our fearless leader.)
Meanwhile, on the homefront, my valiant husband was entertaining the kids.  He probably deserves the biggest thanks in this whole scenario.  I had no cell phone reception so I was following their adventures on Facebook.  Here are Mark’s uploads from their weekend:

It appears that my husband was involving the children in some sort of Lord of the Rings re-enactment, with Karis as Frodo Baggins.

Then Mark took Jafta to his first USC football game.  Jafta’s got his gameface on.  Something tells me this won’t be the last.

Mark took the kids to Wahoo’s for dinner.  No suprises here – Mark always takes the kids to Wahoo’s when I’m out.  It’s their thing.  If you aren’t familiar with Wahoo’s, all I can say is, I’M SORRY.  There is a reason those of us in the OC pay 300% more for our homes than most of the country.  And that reason is Wahoo’s. 
(Okay, it might also be the beach proximity and moderate climate.  But Wahoo’s is up there).

The kids partook in a little Dance-A-Lot Robot before bed.
And then, this happened:

That’s our sliding glass door.  Jafta was trying to close it and it shattered.  Thank God no one was hurt.  Murphy’s Law that it happened while Mark was alone with four kids.  We now have a gaping hole in our living, as we wait for a new custom slider to be built to the non-conforming 1950’s house specifications.  Mark did some creative work with a tarp and some duct tape, and for now we are just enjoying that ocean breeze and temperate climate.

Or not.  Since it’s been raining and storming for the last three days, OF COURSE. 
Oh well.  I suppose I did tell myself that I wanted “get back to nature” during my time in Ojai. And now I have a living room exposed to the elements.  See what happens when you set goals?

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destination birthday: Bears, Buddies, and Toys

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I am a fan of the destination birthday party.  After years of throwing my kid’s birthday parties at our house, I made a discovery: having a party at my house costs me twice as much as a destination party.  (A large part of this is due to the fact that I tend to go into frantic remodel mode anytime I have a big group of people over, and a simple birthday party suddenly means repainting the bathroom and re-landscaping the backyard.)  But beyond my own perfectionism issues, I also hate how hosting a party causes me to be too busy to just enjoy the experience with my kids.  In the past, I’ve found myself running around refilling ice or passing out cake or trying to lead the kids in games . . . only to feel like the whole party passed me by in a whirlwind of activity.

So this year, I decided.  No more parties at home.  I need to outsource the birthdays.  (Or bring cupcakes to the park and pretend it’s a party.  That also works.)

I think it goes without saying that I was elated for Kembe and India to finally celebrate their birthday together.  This birthday has been a hard day for the past three years, and I really wanted to celebrate our family being together, too.

In the past, we’ve done the bouncehouse birthday place, we’ve done Build-A-Bear, and we’ve done Medieval Times.  But for the twins, I wanted to find a place that could really pull off a fun birthday for both genders (because India was insistent that there be some kind of princess theme).  Earlier this year I attended another child’s party at Bears, Buddies, and Toys in Huntington Beach and it was such a cute place, we decided to go there, too.   They have many theme party options, and my kids choose to have a princess and knight party.

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The party started with all of the kids getting into costume.  Kembe was a bit more excited about the sword than the actual knight costume.

They even had little princess dresses for the toddler set.  SO CUTE.

I’m not sure that Kembe totally understood that the goal of a knight is to protect a princess.  He spent a good portion of the party trying to slay them.

The girls loved getting dressed up.  There were tiaras and wands for each little princess.  (Though Timory decided to rock the boa).

Jafta was loving his knight costume. 

He was NOT loving that it was Kembe and India’s birthday party and not his.  LIFE IS SO HARD.

Bears and buddies did a great job of keeping the kids entertained.  Their party packages include two princess hostesses who were SO great with the kids, and really allowed the adults to enjoy themselves more, too.

The party started with a story time in the library.  While that was going on, I slipped out to take some pictures of the “fireside room”. 

I was thrilled to get our cupcakes from Once Upon a Cupcake.  This gal is so talented.  I have been reading her blog for years and always marvel at the creative things she can do with cupcakes.  And I am here to tell you: they taste as good as they look.  Two words: CARROT CAKE.  With cream cheese frosting.

And yes, those other accent cupcakes are cookies & cream.  Hello, delicious.  I might have had two.

Knudsen generously provided us with organic fruit drinks for both kids and adults.  I love their Sensible Sippers brand – it is a juicebox with 50% organic juice and 50% water.  I’m also a fan of the mint Sparkling Essence (which is the perfect base for a homemade mojito after the kids are in bed – just sayin’). 

After storytime, the kids each got to choose a stuffed animal to make.  Here is India getting the stuffing in her new pet poodle.  (It was a little loud.  Can you tell?)

Kembe picked a dragon.  I’m not sure he understands the knight concept, since he was cuddling a dragon and trying to slay princess for most of the party.

Our hostess lead the kids in some games in the library.

And then it was time fro a dance party!  We love dance parties.

Finally, cupcake time!! 

After the party, our royal couple stepped out to give a curtsy and a bow, to thank their loyal subjects for coming.

 

What a fun party!  Thanks to Bears and Buddies, Once Upon a Cupcake, and Knudsen for the promotional consideration for the OC Family website.  And thanks to our family and friends for helping us celebrate this special day in our family.

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