I’ve figured out a way to get coffee for 70% less money!

So. I am a huge fan of coffee.  Like, I NEED IT.  Every day.  But the prices at Starbucks put a real dent in the wallet, you know?  So I have found this awesome new coffee shop near my house.  They serve the most amazing coffee – even better than Starbucks.  But here’s the kicker:  a latter will only set you back 75 cents.  A triple cappuccino with extra foam?  89 cents!! 

Here’s how it works.  See, this coffee shop uses little kids to make the coffee.  They're kids, so they don’t have to pay them at much, and then they pass the savings on to me! Now, I know what you are thinking: how can little kids make coffee?  Well, this place has figured out a lot of techniques to get even the small kids to work really hard.  For example, when they get out of line, they just beat them a little.  Man, those kids totally step it up after a few beatings!  They move really fast.  And yeah, having them working around that hot water is kind of dangerous, but most of the scalding scars are barely noticeable.  It’s true that a few of the kids were kidnapped from their parents and then sold to this coffeeshop.  But not all of them!  Some of them want to work there.  In fact, it’s giving them something productive to do.  I mean, yeah, they got pulled out of school to do this job, but they are getting some really great life experience.

I guess it sounds kind of bad, what with the child labor at all.  I should point out that none of them are white kids!!  They’re African, and they are from, like, SUPER POOR families. So, you know . . . no worries there!  No American kids were harmed in the making of my morning coffee!  LOL.

Really, guys. Stop looking so judgey.  I seriously cannot pay three bucks for coffee.  That is way too expensive!  And this mama needs her coffee.  I mean, what am I supposed to do, NOT DRINK COFFEE??  As if.  I’m not some liberal freak.  And it’s not like I can just go researching everything, you know.  I would be totally broke if I did that.

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Mortified by this?  Good.  Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post.  All will be explained . . . and that outrage might come back to haunt you.

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