What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s post is by an anonymous reader.
Life with an autoimmune disease is different everyday. Some days I look "sick" and no you don't need to tell me that I already know. On the days when my "color" looks so great and radiant I am not amazingly cured and able to jump right in I am probably running a fever and would rather you didn't hug me. I sit in the back of the church now when I actually attend so I can make a quick escape after service. If you see me or think of me call my cell phone I do miss hanging out but in our mega church there are mega germs and seriously wash you hands!
Being sick does not make me a bad Christian. I have not lost my faith nor is my faith so little that I can't overcome this illness. I win, every. day. No I will no be at the next healing service like a groupie. I may be there to prune back the self righteous pride issues that rise up from the daily victories of say digesting food, not breaking potty training,and not losing my temper. I really am not kidding about that.
The one of the harder things about this chronic progression is that I am no longer reliable. I may need to cancel at the last minute as systemic inflammation is an anytime anywhere anybody part kind of beyotch. I do still want to be invited or rather, included.
Lastly, this is disconcerting for me. I know you are freaked out - so am I! You can laugh with me or at me, (chances are I will find it funny too) or ignore the big it altogether (waterfront property owner on the river of denial here), but keep your doom, gloom, and voodoo to yourself.