why I want you to stop whining for water in the car: a monologue in one act.

Lights up on a frazzled mother and four children, driving in a minivan.

MOTHER: You guys.  Seriously. Why is this the only time you ask for water?  Let’s talk about a few facts rights now, okay?

First of all, let’s talk about places where we can get water.  Do we have water at our house?  Yes.  Yes, we do.  We have water from the faucet or water from the fridge.  Do we have water at school?  Yes.  There are water fountains and I also send you with water in your lunchbox.  How about at the YMCA?  Yes, there’s a water fountain there, too.  There is also one at church. In fact, we have access to water in nearly every building we visit.  Do you know where do DON’T have water?  IN THE CAR. There is no water here.  Is there a faucet here?  A water fountain?  No.

Second of all, how long are we usually in the car?  Five minutes?  Maybe a whole ten minutes?  Why is this the only time in the day when you are suddenly aware of how thirsty you are?  Is there some kind of environmental allergen in the car that provokes your crisis of thirst?  All morning long, you’re a couple feet from the fridge, but it’s only in the car when you actually want a drink?

And finally, do you think that yelling at me until I frantically reach behind me in search of a discarded sippy cup of water is the best use of my hands in this very moment?  Do you think that continuing to whine and scream about your thirst is going to change things?  I AM DRIVING.  This takes two hands, in case you haven’t noticed.  Do you think you can make it five minutes until we arrive at our destination, where, more than likely, water will be readily available?

Tell you what.  NEW FAMILY RULE.  The car is a water-free zone.  Get it?  Do not ask me for water in the car.  You take care of your thirst needs before or after you get in this minivan.  You follow me?  NO WATER IN THE CAR.  No asking for water in the car. Going forward, you will lose privileges for asking for water during any trip shorter than 20 minutes.  Do not try me on this.

(scene)




Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...