what I want you to know: being 30, single, and barren

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. This guest post is by an anonymous reader..Photobucket

I want you to know that all I've ever wanted in life was to be a wife and mother.

I am 30 this year and I have yet to meet my husband.

I want you to know that I am 30 and a virgin. I was raised in a Christian culture that promoted abstinence and it is something I still value.

I want you to know that while I am told I am pretty, I never get asked out. Yes, I have tried online dating. That hasn't panned out either.

I want you to know that most of the Christian men I meet are unambitious, apathetic, and focused on an easy life. In contrast, most of the men I meet who hold the same passions I do about politics, social justice and life goals are not Christians.

I want you to know that I have not put my life on hold in order to wait on a man to materialize. I have a good education and a successful career. I want you to know that I am afraid that my intelligence and success intimidates men and is a large reason as to why I am still single.

I want you to know that I will never dumb myself down. I want you to know that my pastor's wife told me I would have to if I ever wanted to get married.

I want you to know that I am tired of well-meaning women telling me "it will happen when you just stop thinking about it."

I want you to know that I am tired of well-meaning women telling me "that it will all work out." Maybe it won't. I know several women in their forties and fifties who have been single all their lives and who also very much wanted to be married.

I want you to know that last year I had a tumor that required an emergency hysterectomy.

At 30, I am single and barren -- neither one my choice.

I want you to know that I have wanted to adopt since I was a young girl. I want you to know that I am not (yet) at a point where I am ready to wrap my head around the idea of adopting as a single mother.

I want you to know that I am tired of being told that I don't understand what it's like to really love other people because I am not a mom.

I want you to know that I am tired of the church not considering women adults until they have children.

I want you to know that even though being married and having a family are my deepest desires, I am still happy, though in a bittersweet way.




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