what I want you to know: being the pastor’s wife

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. This guest post is by an anonymous reader.Photobucket

I am a preacher's wife. My husband and I happen to be a part of the United Methodist Church which is a system that dictates when, where, and how often we move. I want you to know that we have moved four times already in this church system. This is exhilarating and scary all at the same time. I happen to be a person that handles change very well which is good for me. At the same time, I am a sensitive person and develop relationships easily. I want you to know that saying goodbye is more difficult than I let on; that there is immense grief in this process. It is a hard place to be, grieving the loss of places, church community, and relationships while looking forward to new places, new church, and new relationships.

I want you to know that when I came into my faith, I became obedient to my God. This meant to me that I would go where He leads me. I would follow. Still, He never said the following would be easy. I prayed for a Godly husband and even prayed for this man to be a preacher. God answered this prayer and blessed me with an incredible preacher man/husband.

What I really want you to know is that my husband and I are really fun and normal people who are absolutely not perfect in any way. We are walking this walk as best as we can today and tomorrow and the next. We have marital conflicts, problems with growing children, and keep messy houses too. We even have a drink when we get out for the night on a date or even just a regular night at home. We watch all the popular television shows and even go to concerts. We traveled 3 hours to Pittsburgh this summer to see U2. So fun!

We long to have great friends to have a blast with even if we don't know how long we will be in your community. We want you to know that you don't need to keep us at a distance. We also won't judge you if you happen to share that things aren't going so great in your personal lives. We want you to know that we love authentic community and want to be a part of it. We want to be in the thick of it with you and grow with you.

I want you to know that we have a lot of love in our hearts and we have the same needs as anyone else to be loved as people, not just the pastor and his wife.

I want you to know that we regard our appointments highly and would never do anything to jeopardize our authority.
Because we are called to follow, we go where He leads with great joy. We may prefer the big city, but we can see the benefits of small town living or vice versa. I want you to know that just because my interests may differ from yours doesn't mean I don't like you or don't want to be friends with you. I do!

What I want you to know is that God puts people in our lives for lots of different reasons and seasons. We hope to make great friends wherever we go and hope to stay in touch always. We want you to know that its ok to let us in to your hearts even if you don't know how long we will stay and know that we will both be better for it.

I want you to know that just because my husband is the preacher doesn't mean I will be able or even want to do everything you think a pastor's wife should do. God blessed me with a different set of gifts than the previous pastor's wife. Please allow us to be who God made us to be and see how God will use us together to further His Kingdom.
I want you to know that we are so blessed to live in the church's parsonage. I also want you to know that we long to make it our home. A little paint and flexibility will go a long way with us. Understand that we have a taste all our own and we don't desire to make any change to the parsonage that can't be easily changed with a coat of paint for the next. We desire to live in a beautiful space just like you. We may even enhance the home's natural beauty.

I want you to know that we often times feel lonely because people are told to leave us alone. Please use your judgment. Call before you come over, but please call and ask what time would be a good time for a visit. Please invite us into your home too. Please include us as you would anyone else.

I want you to know we are a blended family. Some holidays we are a family of 6 and some we are a family of 3, please inquire and invite us over for dinner and do not be offended if we aren't able to accept each invite. It is so important to learn about the new pastoral family, to discern this family's unique needs. It doesn't hurt to ask. We may feel too forward to spell it out.

Thank you for reading. Give your pastor's wife a call and invite her out or over for coffee. You will be pleasantly surprised!




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