what I want you to know: when you discover your son looking at porn

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. This guest post is by an anonymous reader.Photobucket

What I want you to know is how you need to prepare yourself if you have a young son. What I want you to know is that he will not always be an adoring tiny man who loves to need and needs to love. I need you to know that as he grows, he will begin a very natural process of extricating you from the center of his world. You need to know this is a natural process and you shouldn't take it personal. Even if the only way he knows to do it is abruptly or harshly.
What I want you to know is another inevitability that you cabbie take personal. You need to know your sweet lovin' boy will discover breasts other than those you nursed him with and it probably can't be blamed on the girl next door. I need you to know he will easily discover naked body parts via Google or Yahoo and, when he does, he will get an eyeful of what he never bargained for.

What I want you to know is that while you are thinking of ways to protect him, others are making obscene profits thinking of ways to lure him into this trap. Even now, he is targeted each time he looks for video games cheats and clues on those websites. Those ads that scandalize you? They should, because they are meant for him, your sweet boy. I need you to know that if they can titilate him now, he will return later when he understands why. Then, it will be too late because he will be a click away from images that will shock and disgust you as a woman. You will find yourself in the position of loathing the basenes in your sweet boy that is drawn to these degrading and insulting images of sex and, oftentimes, sex merged with violence. These images that you never imagined much less considered for your children will burn into his consciousness. And yours.

I want you to know that this industry of pornographers is worth billions yearly and respected corporations such as Time Warner and Newscorps distribute these images for a chunk of that profit. You need to know it is much more pervasive than you realize.

Finding internet pornography statistically happens by the time your sweet boy is eleven years old and he likely has yet to show interest in his female peers.

Once the switch is on, he sees and will want to see more.

I want you to know that it matters, Mom, the time he spends alone with the computer and you may be the only one in the world who thinks so. You are right to worry how video games and constant simulation affect his brain. Later, it may affect his relationships and marriage. Just because he may get, if he's not already, more tech savvy than you are does not mean he knows what he's doing. What I need you to know is that he can and will also access the internet from his PSP, Gameboy, Wii or Playstation. He will not often be able to resist the temptation and you must now fight a new front in this war on innocence in the form of your sweet boy who wants the technology he sees around him at his fingertips also. I need you to know that the only adequate "parental controls" are you. Then, even when you have rid your home of all temptation, it will creep in via your own smartphone, Ipad or laptop temporarily unattended or be smuggled in via someone else's sweet boy. Be strong, Mom, because your calling is high and he needs you to stand firm even if you must be abrupt or it seems harsh.

What I want you to know that this battle is ever present and it is one that really matters. I need you to know that the pain that you feel the first time you discover pornography in your boy's computer history will not be your last horror. I want you to know it ultimately cannot be your battle but his alone.

Lastly, I want you to know that this is not a problem of bad parenting or lack of morality but an emerging technology blindside. This is not an inner city problem or lack of religion but a pervasive evil wildfire. You cannot avoid it entirely without avoiding society entirely.

What I want you to know is that while pornography is an epidemic and may inevitably and adversely effect your life, there is nothing new under the sun. Once you have bypassed the initial shock of learning that your sweet boy will chase his sexual drive sooner rather than later, you will understand grace in a way you never have before because you can forgive your sweet boy anything even when he's not a sweet little boy anymore.

You will understand that grace is ever present and pervasive and emergent and boundless. You will understand that this gift given to you, created from and as a sexual being, is not beyond God's reach and requires grace as much as anyone. As much as those who create, distribute and indulge in pornography unashamedly. As much as those who judge hearts then humbly walk the same path.

What I want you to know is when you find yourself in this situation, God’s grace is also sufficient for you. To carry you when you falter. To lead you with love.

He has placed a mother's heart in you and he can comfort it's worries and fears.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...