What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by an anonymous reader.
I was in a serious relationship. I moved away from a big city that I considered home. I left an amazing group of friends and acquaintances to be in this serious relationship. We got engaged with the most amazing proposal EVER (who gets proposed to at thee castle you had on your wall as a little girl? Me.). I bought a beautiful dress and put a deposit down on my dream location. The decorations were planned, the bridal party picked, photographer contracted and airline tickets purchased.
And then I called off my wedding 2 months before it was to happen. 6 months later gave the ring back and broke off the relationship.
Please know that I want to be married. I want the home with the kids running around and the husband who adores me. I don't want to be single the rest of my life and gosh darn it, yes I'm jealous of my friends who are happily getting married right now.
He's a great guy; He didn't cheat or abuse me. He is financially stable, smart, funny and loyal but we were miserable. We both wanted different things in life and were attempting to mold each other into our own desires. We were beating each other up with our needs and wants. Please know that I am sorry for not considering him earlier in the relationship; For pushing for an engagement only to break it off. He's sorry for being selfish and taking my sacrifices without giving any back. We are sorry.
Please know that when you call me courageous for not just going through with it when I knew it was wrong, I don't feel brave. Please know that when you tell me that there is the perfect guy out there and I will find him, I did not make this decision with "that" guy in mind. Please know that when you tell me that I was never more of myself than when I was with him and you trust that we will work through this, I want to tell you that you are wrong.
I want you to know that I didn't just make this decision for me. I looked at our relationship and said to myself, "What if I am not good for him? What if there is a woman who would better suit him and I am preventing him from finding her because of my selfishness?" I want you to know that this decision caused lots of tears, pain, frustrations and hurt but was THE BEST decision for US. Not just for me. For us.