What I want you to know about having a bleeding disorder

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Jessica.

I've been feeling sorry for myself a lot lately. I mean, I've really been wallowing. I'm 32 years old, and have had a debilitating condition my entire life. I have a bleeding disorder called Von Willebrands. Basically, my blood will not clot. My condition is pretty severe, so I can have internal bleeding for no reason at all. As I've gotten older, I find that I get more random bleeding, which really puts me on the outs for living my day-to-day life (raising my kids, working, taking care of the home, being with friends). Most of the time I'm ok with it...I can suck it up and deal. But once in a while, my limitations really get to me. 32 years old and I can't run? What is that? I can't walk around Chicago without a bleed happening? I can't throw the football with my kids?

And then this week, I had a moment. God gave me a picture. A picture of him, sitting next to me as I cried. As I wept out of frustration for how my body betrays me on a regular basis. I saw him sit next to me and put his arm around me. And then he cried with me. And after I was all cried out, he stood up and held out his hand to me. And he said, "Let me me be your hope."

My hope that tomorrow will be a better day. That my kids will be ok, even when I can't get off the couch. That God will heal me (as he has many, many times in my life). That I do not need to fear, for God is my peace.

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