What I want you to know about choosing not to have kids

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by an anonymous reader.




I would like people to know I don't have children simply because I don't want them. And I would like people to know it doesn't mean neither that I hate children nor that I disregard their life-choices.

Yes, a weird "I Would Like You To Know" in a parenting blog. I understand that many parents who have children can't think about a life without them. And I can have an idea about how heart-wrenching is the though of somebody who could have children not wanting children for somebody who is desperately trying to have them.

Still, as I previously said, my decision has nothing to do with your choices. Your choices are admirable, and I do hope and pray you will have the children you are searching for, because it is what you want.
But it is not what I want for myself.

I can practically hear your thoughts.
"She will change her mind"
"She will regret it"
"How selfish of her!"
"She must hate children"
"My, is it NORMAL?"
Or, the worst:
"She must be a terrible person".
Believe me, I have heard it all before.
Often said aloud by people who had just met me (yes, including the last one).

I would like to ask for a greater degree of understanding or, failing that, politeness.

Just try to exchange the main-reason for the aforementioned phrase about deciding not to have children with other major life decisions:

You want to carry to therm your child, even if analysis shows a possibility for a disability?
"She will change her mind"
"She will regret it"

You want to adopt?
"She will change her mind"
"She will regret it"

We don't say such things. We assume people can make their choices.
I would ask the same courtesy extended to the choice of not having children.

Thank you.

T.



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