What I want you to know about birthmothers

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by an anonymous reader.




My younger sister just graduated high school this May. She’s smart, funny, beautiful, and kind. Oh yeah, and she’s pregnant.

In a couple of weeks, she will give birth to a baby boy and then three days later she will place that boy with an amazing adoptive family.

What I want you to know is that she loves this baby. My whole family does. We could keep him. We could all help raise him. We could give him a great life. But we truly believe that adoption is the right choice. We believe it in similar situations—how could we not do the same in our own situation?

So what my sister needs from you is to stop with the hurtful comments, the “How could you give your baby up?” or “I could never just give my baby away.” It’s called placing a baby for adoption. She doesn’t love this baby any less because she is placing him with another family. In fact, I would argue that she might love him more. She is giving him a two-parent home, two parents who desperately want this baby.

What I want you to know is that my sister is a girl, just like you and me, who made a mistake. She knows when you are talking about her. She knows when you are looking at her and judging her.

What she needs from you is not judgment, but love. She needs you to meet her where she is, to love on her, to laugh and cry with her, bring her a gift, call her to check on her.

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