What I want you to know: Adoption can be selfish



What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest post is by Kathy. 
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Adoption is not an unselfish act.

We didn’t choose adoption because we wanted to help a child or save him/her from a terrible life. We chose it because it was the only way to grow our family. Those people that tell us how wonderful it is that my husband and I adopted our son from Guatemala, and are currently considering adopting through foster care, just don’t get it.

Adopting our son was one of the most SELFISH things I’ve ever chosen to do. It cost huge amounts of money, and five years later we are still dealing with the financial aftermath. We did it because it is what we wanted - not to be noble or selfless or save a child - but because the thing we wanted most was to be parents, and this was how it had to be done.

If you offered me the chance to do anything else – travel the world, buy a brand new car– and told me it would cost as much as we spent on an adoption, I would tell you no because it would be too expensive, no amount of money was too much to bring our son home and into our family.

So when you meet an adoptive family, don’t tell them how lucky the child is to have been saved or rescued, because chances are it is the parents who feel the most lucky to have their greatest wish fulfilled.





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