PRESS RELEASE: Blogger loses will to write/live after being asked to weigh in on proposed gay discrimination laws

Kristen Howerton, the blogger who regularly writes here, has reportedly given up the will to continue blogging after being faced with writing yet another post about Christians behaving badly towards gay people. The blogger, who has written many times on the topic of how Jesus would respond to the LGBT community, received numerous requests to weigh in on the discriminatory bills being proposed in Arizona, Kansas, Georgia, South Dakota and Tennessee. And while her level of outrage would typically motivate her to respond, this time was different. “I cannot *$#@ing even,” she was heard mumbling as she walked away from her laptop.

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Howerton and family in happier times, before she’d heard of SB 1062.

In an interview, Howerton disclosed that initially, she believed the proposed bills to be a hoax from a satire news site. When she realized that some conservative Christians were actually proposing a Jim Crow-type law that would make discrimination legal on the grounds of someone’s sexual orientation, Kristen said, “Something inside me just broke. And the constant requests for me to weigh in on the matter just made me want to lay down and take a nap. So I did. And then I watched Paul Rudd lip-syncing and a couple episodes of the Mindy Project and felt a little better about the world. That’s when I realized . . .  I just want to watch mindless crap on YouTube and pretend this isn’t happening.”

As Howerton was faced with the prospect of writing yet another post gently reminding Christians of their duty to love others, she suddenly felt that she could no longer go on blogging. “I just cannot handle writing one more response to this kind of ignorance,” she said. “I quit. Rachel Held Evans can handle this bull$%@#.”

When asked if perhaps her hetero-privilege was showing by writing a post that focused on how these laws affect her blogging as opposed to the ACTUAL victims of the law, Howerton conceded that perhaps she was, in fact, minimizing the real pain and suffering that this would cause for gay residents of said states. "Look, I know it will be difficult for them. But I went with this ‘press release’ literary device in the hopes that the absolute absurdity of it all could perhaps sway the minds of some of the folks behind this madness." Howerton went on to detail the many times she has addressed bigotry towards the LGBT community at the hands of Christians. She maintains that satire was her only hope, since previous attempts at using logic, compassion, and the ACTUAL WORDS OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST had not put an end to the hate.

Tune in tomorrow when Howerton gouges her eyeballs with a steak knife while considering how to respond to another unarmed black teen being shot by a scared white man with a gun.


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