What I want you to know about being in an open polyamorous marriage

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest posts is by Mary J.


By some people's thinking I am committing and allowing my husband to commit adultery. What we have is a very loving fulfilling OPEN polyamorous marriage. We do not have children as I have battled infertility, with a PCOS diagnosis and endometriosis which culminated in me having a complete hysterectomy only a few years ago.

I explain polyamory as living a alternate lifestyle with a differently committed marriage. I know some may blame it on my lack of a traditional up-bringing and not having a sense of family. I was raised in several foster homes from ages 6-18 and never really felt at home.Up until a few years ago I felt like a Dispose-A-Person . . .  like a throw away water bottle that had been melted a bit. But in the ;ove and security of my monogamous relationship with my husband i found the security in myself to reach out to other relationships.

I grew up in various churches and almost married a boy from my Christian college that I attended who was going into the ministry. I studied the bible, I can analyze scriptures. What I do know is that I feel as if I am living the perfect marriage.There is no deceit, no lying, no secrets withheld and no hurt thrust upon other parties.It is honest, more honest than I know several others live theirs and fill their lives with secrets and deception. 

Anything either one of us do is with our other partners full knowledge. We make special time times for just he and I and we keep our lives together strong. I did not go into this because I was forced to,It was not taken on casually, and it is not just recreational relations such as is for other lifestyles. I have several committed emotional relationships other than just my husband. He has just now in the past year found someone he can connect with on multiple levels and is experiencing having these feelings for her as well. We both know that the other will never leave for another partner, our other partners know that we will never split up as well. And that is how we all work together to make this emotionally healthy. We have communication and communication and we make sure that everyone is talking on a comfortable level. 

I want to be able to say to the world, I can love more than one person at a time and be ok with it. I feel as I am ok with God on it as well. Many men in the old and new testament had multiple wives as well as concubines and children with slaves, and they weren't admonished for it. But bring women wanting that into the equation and it all of a suddenly has ugly words thrown at you like slut, trash, immoral, and words aligning me with prostitutes. I have been with my husband for more than 10 years and have only been open for the past 3 yrs. I have found that there is a lot more people like this out there than you would know. They go to your churches, they teach in your schools, they live in your neighborhood, they lead scouts, and they are hidden in your society. So if you see me out in public and I'm acting more than just friends with one man, don't judge me. Affirm us that we are living honestly and openly.





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