The form letter for unmet expectations

I have found myself in another crushingly busy season where every day I look at the tasks on my to-do list, look at the time I have allotted for completing said tasks, and then wallow in a pit of despair because I AM TYPE A AND THAT’S WHAT WE DO.   I am seriously so behind in every single area of life that I’ve decided to just make up a sort of multiple-choice form letter that I can email to people, highlighting the answers that are relevant to that particular person I have disappointed.  Here’s the first draft:


Dear everyone I know,
I am so sorry that I have
  • not returned your email
  • not called you back
  • not voxed you back
  • not facebook messaged you back
  • not met my writing deadline
  • not posted those grades
  • failed to show to our scheduled meeting
  • all of the above
Things are a little hectic right now, on account of the fact that
  • I have no childcare this summer
  • I have what amounts to a full-time job with no childcare
  • I have four kids
  • I've been traveling a lot
  • IT IS SUMMER
In addition, our schedule has been a bit topsy-turvy, what with
  • swim lessons
  • soccer camp
  • theater camp
  • engineering camp
  • VBS
  • DID I MENTION NO CHILDCARE?
Plus, this month has been especially busy as I’ve been
  • grading papers from a graduate-level summer intensive
  • catching up on posts I agreed to do three months ago
  • watching Bachelor in Paradise
  • digging myself out of an email wormhole that will probably never end
  • doing laundry
  • picking beach sand out of Jafta's afro
  • breaking up fighting children
Thanks in advance.  I will get right back to you as soon as
  • I’ve deleted enough emails that yours is finally at the top again
  • we see each other out and I am reminded of those commitments I forgot about
  • I pull an all-nighter to get things done
  • you message me on facebook, twitter, AND email simultaneously (the trifecta of shame)
  • when Karis enters kindergarten

How does that look so far?

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