What I want you to know about being married to a dry drunk

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest post is by Just Sad Today.

I am married to an alcoholic, not the way you may be thinking right now. He hasn't taken a drink in over 15 years, but he is an alcoholic all the same. He was off to rehab three months after we got married and I got pregnant right when he came home. Our son wasn't even one and we split up. 

He was still sober. We went through a lot and got back together about three years later. 

He was still sober. We had our 2nd son and 20 months later our daughter - he was still sober.  

We moved a few months later and he almost had a breakdown, disappeared for a few days, but he was still sober.  

When out daughter was two years old. my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He died two years later and it was not a good couple years. He was still sober. After my dad died I found out he had left me out of a lot of the financial aspects of his life. Again, not a good time. But my husband was still sober.  

Thirteen months after my dad died, my mom died, suddenly. My mom and I were very very close. He was still sober. We don't have any family support at all. We moved out of state 11 months after my mom died. He was still sober.  

It is now three months into the move and we knew it would be an adjustment period. He is still sober... but I want to leave him. For all the life that has happened, although he is still sober, he is just as mean and awful as he was when he wasn't sober. We had friends over and he threatened to throw them out to embarrass me if I didn't do something. My birthday just past and he has done nothing but yell at me and fight with me: he is mean again.  

I can see it in my kids. Our older son is very angry at him, our younger son is soooo disrespectful of me, he speaks to me just like his dad does and our daughter is sad. I am not doing right by my kids allowing him to have his "moment." Life can be hard for everyone, but it can also be simply wonderful. I feel like his alcoholic behavior, even though he is still sober, is hurting all of us. Do normal rational people threaten to embarrass you and constantly yell at you?

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