What I want you to know about being a foster dad: a letter to my foster daughter's birth mom

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here. Today’s guest post is by K's Dad. 

This is a letter I wrote to our foster daughter's birth mom. I don't actually have any way of getting it to her but it helped my heart to write it.

Dear Ms. C.

Hi, I am your daughter, K's, foster dad. Your daughter is growing so big. She is beautiful, a genius, has a beautiful smile, a wonderful laugh, and is healthy. She is 8 months old now.

K has a court date next week to terminate your parental rights. I am writing this letter to ask you not to come to court next week. If you don't come to the hearing, her case will go smoothly and my wife and I will be in line to adopt her soon after.

I know you are probably thinking who the "F" am I to ask you not to come fight for your own daughter. I could argue that I can ask because my wife and I have taken care of her since she was three days old. We are the only parents she knows. Lets not argue though, maybe we can make a deal? You don't come to the termination hearing and I promise you the following:

I promise I will love your daughter as much as I can until the day I die.

I promise I will do everything in my power to protect her from sexual, physical, and mental abuse from anyone.

I promise to feed her, clothe her, and educate her to the very best of my abilities.

I promise to tell her that she is beautiful and important every day.

I know you don't know me and how can you trust me with any of the above promises? All I can say is I love her more than myself and will commit my life to her well-being.

I am not judging you and I don't know your story, but I am guessing that the underlying reason you do meth, (including within 48 hrs of her birth) and why you have not tried to see her since, is because someone probably hurt you as a child. I am sorry if that is true. I won't pretend to know about your life but I love you too, because you are her birth mom.

I know this is heavy stuff. This is not some movie. This is your daughter's life and your ability to see her again if you come. I get it, if you don't come, you will never see your daughter again. She will basically die to you next week. I can relate, because if you come next week and we lose her, she will be dying to me. My heart can't take that.

I get what I am asking. I might need to pray for forgiveness, but I am selfish and I want your daughter to be my daughter for the rest of her life. I am begging you not to come. Please don't hurt your daughter any more. I will pay you money if that would help.

I love her so much, and truth is I am asking you not to come because it will break my heart to lose her.

Please don't come.

Love K's Dad



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