What I want you to know about domestic adoption

What I Want You to Know is a series of reader submissions. It is an attempt to allow people to tell their personal stories, in the hopes of bringing greater compassion to the unique issues each of us face. If you would like to submit a story to this series, click here.  Today’s guest post is by Sue.

Nineteen years ago we adopted our daughter but she was the 3rd that finally went through. In four short months we had two failed adoptions. The first was the most heart wrenching, we were picked after meeting the young birthmother and the (now we know controlling parent) and we were choosen. We got the call he was born, we started planning, I went to work and told my bosses that day was here- I would be taking some time off to be a MOM...then we got a call, that the birthmother did not want him in the foster home so we agreed to get him as she threatened to take the baby and live with the baby's father who abused her and said mean and hurtful things to the mom while pregnant, who would not agree. Well she decided at the last moment that she was going to move back with her mom and step father's house or she would again go to the boyfriend's - but the step father was not into his mixed race grandson and was very vocal about that.  

Well, we cried and I refused to talk to anyone, and said never an open adoption would we do. We somehow got over that and a few months later a baby was born in another state with no family in the mix. We nervously said yes, but was then warned (another agency) that there was an aunt who was in the wings but did not want to say anything to see what her niece would do. We named her and went on our merry way, and got the call that the aunt took her. We could not be mad - she was staying with family and we were warned of the potential and that certain states did not allow you to take the baby until the waiting period was over.  

So then we waited, a call came in, another little girl was born with no one in the wings, we had to scramble to get paperwork in - but low and behold this one was the charm....a month later I flew to Tennessee to get her and it has been wonderful. Sometimes you have to see the pain before you see the beauty. I trust in following the rules and would suggest leaving the child in foster care for the waiting period, I don' know what I would do if they came and took the other babies from my arms... I pray every day they are fine *the first one especially as he was not always spoken to with love in-utero" and I am glad for the aunt in the 2nd family. Prayers to everyone who has gone through this, hard to describe to anyone. We now have a college student who is the absolute love of our lives and was meant to be ours....adoption does work, domestic adoption does work :-)

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